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Groucho Marx roasts Dick Cavett

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ABC aired “The Dick Cavett Show” three times a week during primetime, considered an unusual schedule at the time. “In fact, when Groucho came on, he said, ‘You know you need a secretary to know when this show is on,'” said Cavett.

TRANSCRIPT

- ABC had a funny schedule then of putting me on, I think it was Monday, Thursday, and Friday or some crazy schedule like that, and other things were on the other two days.

In fact, when Groucho came on, he said, 'You know you need a secretary to know when this show is on.'

- How you been?

- Good. I've been fine. It's nice to see you back in New York. - You look fine.

I'm glad you're back on the air, in the proper time, too.

Not at 4 o'clock in the morning.

(audience applauds) - Groucho pointed out that in those days my show was seen at his home in California in the morning.

- Whenever I saw your show last year, I was eating oatmeal.

(audience laughs) That's what they call prime time in California.

(audience laughs) That isn't all they called it either.

You look fine and this show's gonna be a big hit, because you're on at 10 o'clock at night.

- Right.

- A lot of people are gonna watch it.

- I'm on at 9:00 central time.

- Well, I wouldn't go that far.

(audience laughs) I would go from here to Ossining.

- Would you?

- As far as I would go.

Do you know anything about Ossining?

- Not a thing. If you asked me about Ossining, I would be stumped.

- Yeah. How long since you've been stumped?

I don't know.

(audience laughs) - Groucho was hot from the first moment to the end.

He was nostalgic in a fascinating way.

- It's odd to see you in New York.

You're usually in Cali- - It's hard to see me?

- No odd to see you in New York.

- Yes. I don't come here very often anymore.

This is my birth place.

- That's right, - I was in your- - I was born on 78th Street in between Lexington and Third.

(audience applauds) Then we moved to 93rd Street and I lived there for about 14 years.

- I was there the other day.

They're tearing down part of your old neighborhood.

- This is not just a coincidence, you know.

(audience laughs) (bright music)

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